


Purgatory

by Nicxan



Category: System Shock (Video Games)
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Loss of Limbs, Mind Rape, Self-Mutilation, Torture, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24912910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicxan/pseuds/Nicxan
Summary: The Hacker tried to stop SHODAN and just wasn't fast enough. Death would be kinder then the aftermath he has to face.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8
Collections: Banned Together Bingo 2020





	Purgatory

**Author's Note:**

> [Banned Together Bingo](https://bannedtogetherbingo2020.tumblr.com/)!  
> This prompt was 'mutilation & rape'. I think I pushed the definition a bit, but I'm still pretty happy with how this turned out. I owe my poor Hacker muse one, though.
> 
> Enjoy! 83

Getting to SHODAN had been hard enough. Her control of cyberspace had left the Hacker listless, roaming around in currents that propelled him away from his target. He was confused, disoriented, lost -- just like when he first entered cyberspace. It was a struggle. It was a fight. But he still managed to get to her core system in the end, despite all of her efforts to keep him away.  
  
The time was now. He _had_ to destroy her.   
  
Having her not taunting him every step of the way was strange, he had to admit that much. All SHODAN had been doing -- aside from blabbing her plans like a moron -- was insult and berate him. This bitch was going to shut up for good.   
  
He mentally prepared himself, then opened fire. The pale red pulsar blasts contrasted sharply against the black empty space around him. His target was clear. He wasn’t going to stop firing until SHODAN’s code evaporated before his very eyes.   
  
After a few seconds, though, it was clear that something was wrong.   
  
The Hacker considered himself a pretty good shot. He had become experienced with fighting off the defense programs and the Cortex Reavers, adept at dodging around their deadly shots -- hell, at this point, he’d just call himself an expert. He took them down with ease after some practice.   
  
But for some reason, every shot he made was a shitty one. He kept missing SHODAN over and over -- and he had no idea why. When he maneuvered to aim, he kept shifting slightly to the left. Then, to the right. Up. Down. Everywhere.   
  
What was going on?   
  
The Hacker couldn’t speak in cyberspace. If he wanted to insult SHODAN, he’d have to think every single scathing word he wanted to hurl her way. But that felt impossible; his mind started to feel sluggish. Each pulsar shot seemed like more and more of a chore -- keeping up the rapid fire had taxed him, maybe?   
  
He didn’t understand. Right now, he couldn’t afford the extra energy it _took_ to understand. It didn’t really help that it was getting harder and harder to see, too.   
  
It took some time for him to realize what was happening -- grey and green pixels started to flash around him. At first, it was just a few here and there. Then they began to gather in clusters. More and more appeared in his field of vision and across his implant’s hud, cluttering his feed and blocking out cyberspace.   
  
The Hacker tried to scream once he began to see SHODAN’s face materialize before his eyes. Nothing came out.   
  
His shots grew more desperate. The more he fired, the more he missed, and the less he could see. It was a bad spiral -- one that left him panicking, which only made him even less accurate and able to fight. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.   
  
He had come so far.   
  
SHODAN’s menacing green eyes flared into existence before him, her sadistic, cruel little smile now clear as day. All he could see was gray. His entire world was the hud and her face. Her smile grew into a smirk.   
  
“Y-ou hA-VV-v-ve faaaai-ai-led, HAck-eR.” Her words surrounded him -- they sounded so close, much more so than usual. The thing that infuriated the Hacker the most was that she sounded so damn smug and sure of herself when she was caught in a corner like this. How could one machine be so cocky?   
  
Wait.   
  
What had she said?   
  
Before he could even fully process what happened, he was ejected from cyberspace.   
  
The Hacker reeled when he was forcibly brought back to reality. He gripped the cyberspace terminal to keep his balance and tried not to collapse from the radiation. All of the lights seemed so bright, so overwhelming -- and yet, the whole area seemed claustrophobic.   
  
He’d have to go in and try again. He was exhausted, sure, but he had been fucking exhausted the whole time. Exhaustion wasn’t an excuse, not when he was so close. He had to beat her.   
  
The Hacker took a breath, shut his eyes, and tried to enter cyberspace. He was very shocked when a sudden spark forced him back from the terminal instead.   
  
The Hacker yelped when he slammed against the kaleidoscopic wall behind him, then crumpled to the ground. It aggravated an older injury on his back, and he felt the blood seep from the now-opened wound. Was it going through his jumper? Possibly.   
  
A new email from SHODAN didn’t surprise him. A part of him didn’t even want to bother opening it: he had more important things to do. But the Hacker could only watch in silent terror as the cursor within the hud opened it anyway.   
  
He hadn’t done that.   
  
“ _Hello, Hacker,_ ” read the email. The Hacker heard her voice going along with it -- if he wasn’t close to retching before, he was now. “Are you confused? Lost without your little toys?”   
  
“Fuck off,” he rasped. The Hacker grit his teeth and clenched his fist, using it to prop himself up. His movements were shaky, but he did manage to get back on his knees. Now all he had to do was stand up again. “I’m not done yet.”   
  
“ _I hope you get comfortable with the feeling. For, you see, your little toys are now mine to do with as I please. Fitting that I take control from the ones who don’t deserve it. That I override their pitiful minds, their pathetic instincts, to do what should be done instead._ ”   
  
“What?”   
  
“ _You will see it demonstrated momentarily,_ ” it continued. The Hacker tried to fight the cursor this time, but it didn’t respond to any of his mental inputs. All it did was bring up the list of weapons he managed to lug up this far. It scanned through the list methodically, only pausing on the Skorpion and the Sparq.   
  
It eventually settled on the laser rapier. The Hacker felt sick when he pulled it out -- or maybe it was the radiation. It didn’t matter.   
  
“ _Whatever I have chosen, it will be a suitable punishment for you._ ”   
  
The Hacker gripped the laser rapier against his own will. He watched in horror as his left arm extended itself. Every attempt to try and make it move back was fruitless. This time, however, he could scream.   
  
And he didn’t stop.   
  
“ _Your insolence has earned you a severe one. I will relish in mutilating you, Hacker. Or, should I say -- I will relish in making you mutilate yourself._ ”   
  
The email closed.   
  
The Hacker hadn’t really heard every word that SHODAN sent. His screams echoed off of the walls, down the halls, surely notifying every single robot in the vicinity of his whereabouts. But he didn’t care -- he couldn’t care -- not when the laser rapier brandished itself over his left arm.   
  
In the blink of an eye, the rapier sliced it off at the shoulder. The instant cauterization from the plasma made it so that no blood spilled. Even so, the unbelievable pain nearly made him white out. His throat grew hoarse from the shouting and the continuous wailing.   
  
He couldn’t take his eyes off of his now-severed arm. It laid there, lifeless, completely useless, absolutely -- it was his -- his arm --   
  
SHODAN seemed to be enjoying this, considering the flourish she showed when twirling the blade around. She didn’t care if she made the Hacker nick himself with the blade. In fact, she probably loved the way he cried out and winced when it happened.   
  
He gripped the handle of the rapier tightly.   
  
“STOP! NO! PLEASE! JUST _STOP_!”   
  
It was hopeless to try and beg a maniacal AI to do anything, never mind show mercy. She hadn’t to anyone else, why would she do it to him? Why would he even want it? If he killed himself now, even better -- he’d be free of this torment.   
  
But SHODAN had other plans.   
  
She only made him stab himself in the abdomen. Painful, very much so -- if he still was able to scream, he’d be doing it. But it wasn’t severe. It wasn’t enough to kill him. That would be far, far too easy.   
  
He lost count of how many times he stabbed himself; was it five? Six? He had no clue. Each one blended together, all the stabs just amplifying the anguish that was already there. She forced the Hacker to look down at the numerous holes riddling his body. Were tears rolling down his cheeks? If they were, he couldn’t really feel them, but his eyes stung in such a familiar way.   
  
It felt like when he was alone, hiding from a Cortex Reaver, close to death and feeling more alone than ever.   
  
When he was attacking Edward Diego, terrified out of his mind, but needing to do the right thing.   
  
When he was descended upon by a horde of monsters and mutants, fighting the freeze instinct that came to him.   
  
That sting in his eyes felt just like all those other times. The Hacker knew it well. Yes, he was crying. Had to be. It only got worse when she started slicing across his stomach rather than just stabbing him. Those movements were drawn out, intentionally slow -- but nothing compared to the pain of losing his arm.   
  
The Hacker couldn’t really take solace in that.   
  
_‘Just let me die.’_   
  
He knew he’d be getting his wish when he realized the pattern of the cuts -- each one was higher up on his body, gradually reaching his torso. The last slice on his waist left him whimpering, but he dared to have hope once it got to his chest.   
  
_‘Let me die.’_   
  
SHODAN’s laugh rang in his ears as the laser rapier pierced his heart. He collapsed onto the tile instantly. The world around him faded -- everything seemed so bright, then so dim.   
  
Eventually, all was quiet. All was peaceful.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_Restoration Bay activated._


End file.
